So your biggest nightmare just became your reality. You wake up every day hoping it was all a nightmare, but then it quickly sinks in that this is, in fact, your reality. Betrayal, anger, confusion, and pain overcome you daily, you’re on an emotional rollercoaster and aren’t sure how to get off. Cheating for some is a deal breaker in a relationship, but for others, they are willing to work past it. Whether you cheat, or your man does, it’s up to you to decide if the relationship is worth salvaging.
You’ll sit and think about the history between the two of you, your love, your connection, and all of a sudden you find yourself torn between what you thought you’d always do and what you feel you want to do now. Infidelity is never pretty, whether you’re married or in a long-term relationship, it sucks, but it’s up to you and only you to decide if you want to forgive and rebuild.
With social media surrounding us everywhere we turn, it’s easy for you to be more worried than before to trust again. You worry you might find yourself worrying about what your partner is really doing on their phone. It can lead to massive stress and anxiety, but you and only you will have to decide if it’s worth it to move forward.
It inspired me to come up with a list of what to do when you’ve chosen to stay with your partner after cheating. Not all cheaters will do a repeat offense, and not all who cheat are bad. People mess up and make mistakes, we’re human. Just know the difference between someone actually owning up and someone who’s just trying to continue to have their cake and eat it too.
First things first are you must decide if this is a relationship you’re wanting to continue. This is something you need to be sure at 100%. You don’t need to know if it’s going to work out, or if it will end in disaster in 4 years, but you do need to know if you still love him, are willing to forgive, and move forward. Once you’ve decided you can move on.
Ask him all them questions. And keep asking. This is now your time for you to really begin your long healing process. If you want to know every single detail then it’s his job to tell you, he hurt you and broke your trust. If he wants to regain that, then he needs to be an open book. Express this to him and make sure he understands.
Reevaluate your relationship boundaries, being honest and real about them. Don’t say “you can never ever talk to woman ever-ever-ever again”, because that’s unrealistic. But do set new boundaries such as not being able to hang out alone with people of the opposite sex until trust is regained. If he has female friends this may cause issues but he needs to understand that you are stretching yourself to stay in this relationship and so should he.
Go for a lot of walks and talks. It’s been proven that going on walks when your mad helps you clearly sort out situations better, so instead of just sitting around all day talking about your new issues go forth and walk it out.
Look at yourself and know that nothing is wrong with you. You are beautiful, smart, charismatic and wonderful. Any guy would be lucky to be with you and you need to remember that. You staying with him does not make you any less of these things, it makes you more. You are now stronger, bolder and willing to work on things even though they may not be conventional or easy.
Forgive but don’t forget. I couldn’t stress this more. Forgiveness is something that takes time, you’re not going to forgive him overnight, or in a week, it’ll take time. Just because you’ve forgiven his actions, doesn’t mean that you’re forgetting them or accepting them. Let him know this and that you’re moving forward but will never forget. That doesn’t mean you have full right to keep bringing it up, and punishing him for it either.
“If this ever happens again I will leave you”. Say that to his face and mean it. Bonus if you look sexy as hell when doing so. You’re willing to work on it…but this happening again in the future is a definite no.
Go on dates and try to reconnect again. This, of course, needs to be an effort made on his end, you should be reminded of why you’re staying with him, and why you love him. He needs to wine and dine you to the point of annoyance.
If you’ve been sexually active after finding out he cheated, or he was cheating on you while sleeping with you, make it a priority for both of you to get tested. It’s better to be safe than sorry.
Do not do anything to get revenge. I repeat DO NOT! It’ll only cause more damage and issues if something’s already broken why try to demolish it?