So your biggest nightmare just became your reality. You wake up everyday hoping it was all a nightmare, but then it quickly sinks in that this is in fact your reality. Betrayal, anger, confusion and pain overcome you daily, your on an emotional rollercoaster and aren’t sure how to get off. Cheating for some is a deal breaker in a relationship, but for others they are willing to work past it. Whether you cheat or your man does, it’s up to you to decide if the relationship is worth salvaging. You’ll sit and think about the history between the two of you, your love, your connection, and all of a sudden you find yourself torn between what you thought you’d always do and what you feel you want to do now. Infidelity is never pretty, whether you’re married or in a long term relationship, it sucks but it’s up to you and only you to decide if you want to forgive and rebuild.
With social media surrounding us everywhere we turn, it’s easy for you to be more worried than before to find your mind consumed with what your partner is really doing on his phone. It can lead to massive stress and anxiety and if he’s cheating again, but you and only you will have to decide if it’s worth it to move forward.
It inspired me to come up with a list of what to do when you’ve chosen to stay with your partner after cheating. Not all cheaters will do a repeat offense, and not all who cheat are bad. People fuck up and make mistakes, we’re human. Just know the difference between someone actually owning up to their fuck up and someone who is just trying to continue to have their cake and eat it too.
- First things first is you must decide if you are still wanting to continue the relationship. This is something you need to be sure on 100%. You don’t need to know if it’s going to work out, or if it will end in disaster in 4 years, but you do need to know if you still love him and want to move forward. Once you’ve decided you can move on.
- Ask him all them questions. And keep asking. This is now your time for you to really begin your long healing process. If you want to know every single detail then it’s his job to tell you, he hurt you and broke your trust if he wants to regain that then he needs to be an open book. Express this to him and make sure he understands.
- Reevaluate your relationship boundaries, being honest and real about them. Don’t say “you can never ever talk to woman ever-ever-ever again”, because that’s unrealistic, but do set new boundaries such as not being able to hang out alone with people of the opposite sex until trust is regained. If he has female friends this may cause issues but he needs to understand that you are stretching yourself to stay in this relationship and so should he.
- Go for a lot of walks and talks. Its been proven that going on walks when your mad helps you clearly sort out situations better, so instead of just sitting around all day talking about your new issues go forth and walk it out.
- Look at yourself and know that there is nothing wrong with you. You are beautiful, smart, charismatic and wonderful. Any guy would be lucky to be with you and you need to remember that. You staying with him does not make you any less of these things, it makes you more. You are now stronger, bolder and willing to work on things even though they may not be conventional or easy. Your a BOSS BITCH and anyone who thinks the later can go eat a pickle covered in razor blades.
- Forgive but don’t forget. I could not stress this more. Forgiveness is something that takes time, you are not going to forgive him over night, or in a week, it will take time. Just because you have forgiven his actions, does not mean that you will forget them or accept them. Let him know this and that you’re moving forward but will never forget.
- If this ever happens again i will leave you. Say that to his face and mean it. Bonus if you look sexy as hell when you do. Cheating once hmmm okay…but 2,3,5 times is another time too many.
- Go on dates and try to reconnect again. This of course needs to be an effort made on his end, you should be reminded why you’re staying with him, and why you love him. He needs to wine and dine you to the point of annoyance.
- If you’ve been sexually active after finding out he cheated, or he was cheating on you while sleeping with you, make it a priority for both of you to get tested. It’s better to be safe than sorry.
- Do not do anything to get revenge.I repeat DO NOT! It will only cause more damage and issues, if something is already broken why try to demolish it?